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Are You Crazy in Love with Your Wife?

This is a continuation of “The Legendary Dad Manifesto” series where I outline the tenets of what defines a legendary dad.  If you haven’t already, read part one on Physical Prowess then come back and read part two.

Crazy in Love

A legendary dad will love his wife with passion and fervor so his kids will see a demonstration of real love

This may sound like soppy stuff but I can’t stress how important this will be for the long term development of our children. Not to mention the benefits for yourself because as the old saying goes, “Happy wife, happy life!”

The fact is a loving, reciprocating relationship creates a strong and healthy foundation to build upon. This relationship can be a fantastic model for our kids to observe and learn from.  Kids learn just as much from what they observe us doing, as they do from what we say.

Not convinced?  Well here are some of the benefits for your kids:

1. Shows what a healthy relationship looks like

Let’s face it, the world is pretty screwed up.  There are lots of hurt people out there and a lot of that hurt is related to dysfunctional relationships. Unfortunately this can be because they have only known and seen dysfunctional relationships themselves.

This will not be the case for our children!

Our kids will be given the best start possible if they see their parents deeply in love with a supporting attitude towards each other. This means as a dad we treat our wives as goddesses and we pull our fair share of the workload around the house.

It also means we don’t physically, emotionally or verbally abuse our wife’s either.  Any man who does this is reprehensible and needs to seek immediate help! Not to mention the fact that he is sending completely wrong signals to his kids. To his son it says “A man is allowed to do this to women”. To his daughter it says, “This is normal behavior and if it happens to you just accept it.”

So step up to the plate and make sure you are demonstrating all facets of a healthy relationship.

2. Shows that having and expressing emotions is OK

In these modern times a husband/dad devoid of emotions will never truly connect with his wife or kids on a deep level.  As a legendary dad you want to foster these deep connections as it will create an extremely strong relationship that will be able to handle the inevitable trials any relationship goes through.

Now I could have made the second tenet simply “A legendary dad will love his wife“.   A noble statement and one that I’m sure pretty much any husband would agree with.  However it’s just too bland, too mundane, too safe and cliched.  So I added some extra words “passion and fervor”.  Immediately that brings a totally different meaning!

To me these words conjure up such thoughts as: excitement, anticipation, joy, laughter, dedication, commitment and strength. But emotion is not just about uplifting things, it also makes me think of: sorrow, anger, grief, bewilderment, frustration, empathy and compassion. The list could go on and on.  As dads we probably do alright at expressing our positive emotions; although I wonder if we direct these towards our wife or only at our favorite sporting team?  Likewise we probably bottle up such emotions as sorrow, grief, empathy and compassion but let anger and frustration out on a daily basis!

The key is showing a whole gamut of emotions to our kids and teaching them when each is appropriate.  For example anger is not always bad. It depends on the context of the situation and who it is directed at.

3. Provides security and stability

The family home should be where  kids feel the safest and most secure.  As dads, as the protectors of our family, we shoulder a huge part of this responsibility.  Our actions will determine how secure and stable an environment our kids are growing up in.

So when kids see their dad madly in love with their mum they love it! Why?  Because it provides security to them that you will always be around.  By loving your wife it provides stability to the relationship.

Don’t think security and stability are important?  Well the next time you and your wife are having a heated argument have a look at your kids and see what their reaction is.  I can guarantee you they do not like it!  In fact if heated arguments are a common occurrence in your relationship with your wife they will start to act out the same way.  This came as a shock to me one day when my eldest son and his sibling sister ‘acted out’ an argument scene between mummy and daddy!

Make sure you as a dad are providing a secure environment for your kids and are not an destabilizing factor.  This can occur when a man is still a boy and won’t take any responsibility.  Don’t be that man!

Action Plan

So how do you demonstrate passionate, fervent love for you wife?  Here are some ideas:

  • Organize a date night with your wife.  This means getting a babysitter and planning to do something with your wife that she will like.
  • Have a set list of chores you do around the house. For me that means at the bare minimum I look after everything outside, do the dishes (my wife cooks), put the kids to bed and help keep the house tidy.
  • Cuddle and kiss your wife in front of the kids.  Sure they’ll squirm but deep down they’ll love it.
  • Buy your wife some flowers or a small gift.
  • Write a card or love letter to your wife.
  • Take the kids out so your wife can have some down time.
  • Tell your wife you love her.
  • Help make the kids school lunch.
  • Watch her favorite TV show and hold back on the negative comments.  This is a hard one I know!
  • Give her a foot/neck/back massage.
  • If she likes hot drinks make her a coffee/tea without her asking you to.
  • Give her a kiss as soon as you arrive home from work.

The list could go on and on forever.  The important thing is make your wife feel like you are passionate about her.  When this starts occurring your kids will notice and see what real love is.  Get Crazy in Love!

Got any other ideas on things to do for your wife?  Then leave a comment below and help out all of us other dads!